The conversation:

Dear Ann&Mike,

Thanks for your prompt response to my mail.
The transaction is real and legal.However,we have to keep every aspect highly confidential for us to succeed.
The over invoicing is as result of our arrangement,and the main contractors has been paid and do not know anything about this payment.

For now I am in Johannesburg,South Africa where I stay most of the time as government representative.I was in London and Spain when I was in Europe.

But I am always in South Africa,and this is where you can reach me at any time.My number is +27-733626705, fax +27-115075681.

Feel free and call me so that I will discusse this issue and explain more to you.Take note of my new mail address and phone numbers which you have to use in contacting me now.

I am Phd holder in political studies.

You have to send to me as matter of urgency,your details eg;telephone and fax numbers for easy communication.And the details where you want this funds to be transfered to,or you can come with the account when coming to S/Africa for signing and collection of the funds later in the year.

My kind regaeds while I await your response with the requested information and call.

Dr T.Hassan.

---

Dear Dr. Hassan,
Thank you for your reply, I got one email from you
with nothing at all in it also. I would be happy to
meet you in Africa, I was there before a long time
ago. I am in Moscow today.

London would be fine also. If we meet you in
Africa, I will not have a bank account there, so our
transaction will be impossible, to my understanding.
Have you done this before? In London I could have a
bank account, or in Switzerland, which would be my
preference, as you can easily imagine. If we meet in
Africa, how will you be assured that you will get your
share of the money? Can you please say how you
envision the transfer. I want you to be completely
comfortable. Do you have the ready ability to meet in
Europe?

I would prefer to correspond with you some more,
without my husband's knowledge for now, later, before
it's finalised I will surprise him. For now email is a
good communication for me, it's the best, later I'm
sure we well speak in person.
Sincerely, Ann

---

Dear Ann,

Thanks for your prompt response which is what we need now to be able to finanlise this issue on time.

I've the capability to make this payment to be paid in London,but I need to know how soon you will be able to be in London for the transactions urgently.

On the issue of getting my share,I've the beleive and trust that I'll get my share any where the transaction takes place.All we need now is trust and if I don't trust you I will not contact you in the first instant.

I need an assurance from you that you will be able to do this transaction without your husband's knowledge.It's good for a surprise as men at times do not want their wives to know the source of they wealth.This transaction is always organised and carried out by government officals.this is not the first time.

Like you said as time gose on I'll need to have your telephone and fax numbers as there will be times that i'll need to talk to you.Meanwhile let me know how soon you will be able to be in London for the payment after settling the paying officers.

Note that it is very important that you do not disclose this transaction to anyother person.Confidentiality is the key word to the success of this kind of transactions.Keep every aspect highly confidential.

My kind regard while I await your response.

Dr.T.Hassan.
 

---

Dear Tuto*,

We came hone tonight from an evening at the opera, and I checked my email.I am so happy to see your positive reply. I was thinking about you all day today, in more way than just one. Yes, I will call you later.

As for London, I can be there tomorrow; I am in Moskow now. Well not really tomorrow but I want so much to meet you soon, you are a strong and sincere man. I imagine your rugged good looks.

We plan to visit Europe for Christmas, I have my family there. So that was the original plan. But it can change. To confide in my husband about this or not is the question I ask myself all the time. It would not be fair not to tell him. He is so busy with his work. I will think about it and please give me advice. I trust you. We can decide later. Please give me your sincere feelings about this matter now.

When you say that if I don't trust you I will not contact you in the first instant. This feels queer because you wrote me first as a complete stranger. Can you please explain? Would you provide some papers to me to clarify the existence and nature of our funds? A bank statement and such would be good for me to see. I would very much like to see that before I go to London.

You say that you have completed such transactions. were you involved did you do this before? I would like to know your description of one such prior transfer, contact, meetings, costs if any and when where and how. This will help set my mind in the right frame of expectations.

It is late in the night and my husband is already asleep so I must join him now. Please write soon and often, Tuto, you are in my dreams tonight. May I send you my picture? It was taken in Russia recently.

Very sincerely, Ann

may I send you a picture? I'm sorry it's not very sexy. I can send one later. Are you a married man? Children? What is your wife like?

* I thought it would be funny to humiliate this man by making fun of his name -- it didn't work :)

Doctor Tutu, PhD.  is getting suspicious :( And I'm suddenly getting porno spam at this email address. :)  

YOU ARE FREE TO LET YOUR HUSSY KNOW ABOUT IT, BUT SURPRISE IS GOOD TOO:


Dear Ann,

Thanks for your prompt response to my mail,but sorry for my late response,it was due to my bussy schdule.

I didn't mean that you should not tell your husband but you can let him know almost at the tail end of the transactions.

I will not reveal the details you are requesting about my past actevities as this will be very unfair to those who were involved,rather you should concentrate on the one we have at hand.

Every document relating to this transactiopns will be given to you once you come for the signing and collection of the funds.
All I need to know is when you will be available in London beceause of my very tight schedule.

Meanwhile I will be awaiting your call.

My kind regards while I expect your call any time.

Dr T.Hassan.

Dear Dr Tuto

I don’t know why you say hussy, it is a disrespectful
word. It means a woman is considered brazen or immoral
or saucy or impudent. Have I offended you in some
way? Now I am not sure where we are, so I will ask
no more about what I asked you before, maybe our deal
is off? I hope not, I want to be rich like you and do
such transactions many times like you.

Sincerely Ann

I'm getting desperate.  I've OVER-DONE it with this sensitive NIGERIAN fellow.
 He's caught on!!!!   I wrote again, below, but that's all SHE wrote, as they say ... The End, Fin :)

Mon, 17 Nov 2003       
Subject: URGENT REPLAY
Hey Tuto,

My husband say you are not act like a rich
man who has millions of dollars.

Wind-bag, is my polite word. We think you are trying
to cheat people. Well, we are not stupid uneducated
bushmen jealous of the good life. We already have the
good life, Toto. You have no proof of what you say
and you think I would be so stupid as to fly to meet
you just on a bloody shit-rag of your word. Ateast we
white people don't hack each other to death using
machete's -- We use WMDs, like god intended.

I'm desperate for sincere communication now.

Hey Tuto, All Nigerians are crooks and
cheats. Fuck your sister up the arsehole.

Dear Ann,

I am really astonished with the content of your mail.I do not know why you think that all African is a Nigerian.
I've told you where i am from but you chose to call me a Nigerian which is wrong.
If you come to S/Africa,you will see me but I asked you to come to London in order to reduce your expenses,but by you backing out you have lost a chance of becoming a millioner [sic].

I will not join issue with by useing abusive language,rather prosperity will judge both of us.
My kind regards.

Dr T.Hassan

I'm giving up.  I email ABUSE@YAHOO.COM:

Subject: 419 SPAM REPORT : I NEED YOUR DETAILS AND CALL ME:


419 NIGERIAN SPAM -- PLEASE LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU DID,
IF ANYTHING, THANKS IN ADVANCE.


[ Sample email w/HEADERS attached]

This time, Yahoo does nothing.  It's the end, I'm sure.  In desperation,  I try Mixed Metaphors!

Subject: Are you "Nigerian 419" ?

My husband says you are a "Nigerian 419" artist. He
told me all about it. So there, you may be in south
Africa, but you are a Nigerian, a Leopard cannot
change his stripes. I'm going to London soon -- as
soon as that idiot,  Bush gets the hell out of there!

Bye

... The End ?  No, not so fast !   Our little NIGERIAN hasn't given up yet. 
Look, here is more, some weeks later.  I suspect business was getting slow. 
He think I really am a beautiful woman.

Dear Ann,

Joks apart,if you want to conclude this transaction with us,you should let me know by calling me on my phone,which you have the number already.Or let me have your own number so that I can give you a call.

Dealing with you without having your particulars makes the whole thing looks childish.I will be waiting your call or let me call you if I have your details.Do not be crossed if I do not respond to your mails in time as I am a very bussy person.

My kind regards while I await your call.

Dr T.Hassan

Yes, all joking aside, Tutu, I'm going to be in London
 

Dr. Tutu thinks this is me.  It's not..

soon, sans hubby. He has business to do here and
besides he hates my sitser. So, make it worth my time
to meet you there. Write soon, I hate it if you don't.

Love, Ann

Hey Tuti,

Dealing with you without having your particulars makes
the whole thing look stupid. You have shown me not
one scrap of paper. I'm not stupid, bozo. I'm going
ahead with my plans for London, will be there and I do
not expect to see you there unless you shape up
pronto, bub. You are inefficient, sleepy and
backwater, you take 2 days to answer a letter and so
far we have gotten nowhere. The ball is is in your
park, you have my number.

Ann

Dear Ann, Your mail is full of surprises.How can you say that I've your numbers when you have not given me that before.I have been asking for this from the first mail I sent to you but you have been very elusive about your details which makes the whole thing funny. I cannot show you any documents when you have not given me your telephone and fax numbers or at least call me on phone.You have been very abusive with your words to me but I know all this will change once you see me one on one. Ann,let me have your number so that I can call you and discuss on how to meet you while you are in London.I'll be waiting for your call or send your number for me to call you.My noumber is +27-733626705.I will see you only if you want me to see you be providing means of reaching you. I owe you no appology for replying your mails late because this is not the only work that I am doing.I've earlier told you that my schedule is very tight,and that is why I want your number so that I will always reach you anywhere and at anytime but you refuse to give me your details. My kind regards while I await your response with the requested information. Dr T.Hassan.

 

Tutp --

If you are so stupid or dishonest to say that you
cannot email me any documents, then fine. Your excuse
is so stupid!!!!! I did not get to where I am today by
dealing with stupid people. My husband is a well off
man, he is the owner of the Weller company, no doubt
you have used some of our products as we are
worldwide. And speaking of worldwide, I'm preparing
for a trip to Europe. If I see you there I will avoid
you because you are stupid and lazy, probably smell of
sloth. To think that at first I was attracted to you
slightly, I am silly. All the world knows about your
kind, that's why you all will never amount to anything
but vermin.

 I wrote to YAHOO again:

To: abuse@yahoo.com
Subject: Fwd: I NEED YOUR DETAILS AND CALL ME:

419 NIGERIAN SPAM -- Please TELL  ME WHAT YOU DID,
IF ANYTHING, THANKS IN ADVANCE.

[ Sample email w / HEADERS attached]  -- Yahoo does nothing

RE: " If you come to S/Africa,you will see me but I
asked you to come to London in order to reduce your
expenses,but by you backing out you have lost a
chance of becoming a millioner."


I'm already a millioner, Tuto,

I got my money the old fashioned way - by marrying it!

And I haven't backed out. Maybe I will back out yet,
maybe not. Tell me what you want; tell me what I want
and maybe I will meet you in London, maybe not.

 When will you be there?

Subject: Re:YOU ARE NOTHING BUT A NUT

Dear Ann,

From the tune of your mails it seems you are worried upstairs.You always talk out of tune and direction.Who needs your money,me I dont need your drug and bloody money you get by milking innocent people.

It's you who is so, so STUPID that you do not know from your left to right.You can go to blisses I 've some body now who is willing to assist, and not selfish human like you who wants to go to heaven but do not want to die.

Keep your number and particulars and eat them. Stupid axe hole where Allah (may he eternally praised)  hit you with his Golden Hatchet.

   [HA!  That's what they always want, "The Particulars" !  It's so stupid --Ed.]

Dear Tuto,

Why do you say "Who needs your money... I don't need
your drug and bloody money"? I thought it is you who
is going to give me money, and not vice versa, dodo?
HA!  did you forget for a minute who's doing what to whom?

Yes, I was worried about your long silence. What gives
you the idea that the Weller Soldering Iron business
is related to pharmaceuticals? No, It's not. You
found the wrong web page, my friend, we are not
'Weller Pharmaceuticals'.

You are very stressed, with your responsibility and
all, you use the word stupid twice, stupid. What kind
of millioner are you? Why do you wait so long to
email me? I was worried you had forgotten about me,
friend.

I want to meet you in London for more reason than
one. Who needs money? I no longer want yours and as you
say you don't want mine, let's be friends, ok. I need
a big friend, a big African man like you. You're the
Sugar in my tea, the Jelly in my roll. Axe hole --
this is funny, a very clever play on words. You
African men are so virile and charming.

So, honestly I don't care about the money, please meet
me in London you say when, I'm all yours, you strong
brute! It's not the meat it's the motion. It's a
wonderful image you portray, going to heaven without
tasting the cold sting of death -- that's how I feel
when I'm with you, Tuto.

Sincerely,
Your little Hazel Nut

PS: (I want to taste your hard nut too. Sorry. :)

Subject: Re: Re: YOU ARE NOTHING BUT A NUT Tuto, dear, please email to me. I love chocolate, and I like to eat long meat, gobble gobble. Do you like me? I made this picture only for you. Kisses, Ann Note: I added the  "I want you" eye-blinders - Ed.
Subject: Re: Re: YOU ARE NOTHING BUT A NUT Tuto, dear, please email to me, seriously, thanks. Here is my other pic. Ann HOT Kisses, and a BIG b****  job for my BIG dark and handsome stranger, Ann

Dearest Tuto,
No, I am not a racist, my best friend in high school was black. I can't stand racism. I can't tolerate intolerance. What's more, I hate liars. Yesterday you said you will be in UK next week. Today you say you are in UK. Which is it? I will meet you in 24 hours, just before midnight, since you are in London now. Prove it. Please contact me before then I will wait here. I told you yesterday, I will not give you my number I don't want you to call me, my family would be very upset. Besides, now I don't trust you. Yes, I was serious before, dear. Let's give each other 24 hours. email me asap.

xxx (kisses)

[I waited for Tutu.  Now it's time to fling him in the garbage.]

Subject: The DEATH KNELL OF YOU

So, Tuto, you stood me up. I waited long enough for you, almost 7 hours. Did you lie to me when you said that you are in London now? Yes, you did. I don't see you here. I am in London and you are in Swaziland , Nigeria, or wherever the fuck you're from. You are a cheat and liar like all men. Don't write again.
A.